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Tilden, Mary.

[Manuscript testimony of a colonial Connecticut woman justifying her “refusal to cohabit” with her husband.]

[Lebanon, New London, Connecticut], 1732 or 1733. 4to (31 x 19.25 cm). 8 pp. of manuscript. Docketed “Mary Tillden, her reasons” on last page.

A colonial woman’s lengthy manuscript account of an abusive marriage, presented to the Reverend and church committee of Lebanon, Connecticut in January of 1733.

In this remarkable and unsettling document, Mary Tilden (née Powell) (1695–1736), the wife of Stephen Tilden (1690–1770), presents her case to the noted Rev. Solomon Williams (1700–1776), pastor of the first Church of Christ in Lebanon, Connecticut. Having “refused to cohabit” with her husband for the past two months, Mary here seeks the “councel & advise” of the Church committee. While she admits she will not be able to “relate all,” Mary nonetheless endeavors to illustrate that life with him “hath been a life of bitterness to me.” Tilden’s testimony consists of her opening remarks, followed by thirteen marital grievances, which she spells out in considerable detail; an account of how Stephen has breached their marriage “covenant”; six forms of evidence to substantiate her belief that her husband was unfaithful; a closing plea, and three reasons why she wishes not to return to her husband.

As her first grievance records, Stephen’s mistreatment of Mary began as soon as they were married. She recounts how he would leave her alone in their “hous in the woods” until midnight or later—when neighboring Indians “would come singing home in the night”—and ridicule her a “fool” if she complained of being “afraid.” On the whole, Tilden’s complaints primarily concern psychological-verbal abuse and sexual misbehavior by her husband over their 16-year-long marriage. Stephen was apparently of irascible temperament. As she notes, “for so small offense of acdentently spilling a dish of milk he will and hath allowed himself in gratte anger to cry out upon me ye divil is in you or you [are] a [miserable] creature.” In one frankly disturbing passage, she describes how Stephen repeatedly sexually assaulted their house maid, one Sarah Ellis, of whom, she believed, he had carnal knowledge. Mary’s testament also covers the couple’s quarrels over how to educate their children; how religious practice should figure—if at all—in their household; Stephen’s express and repeated wishes for multiple wives; Stephen finding fault in her housework and home-schooling, and so on.

Tilden’s testimony is often elliptical, and in several places she notes that she is eliding certain “particulars” which she suggests “are here too much to relate.” As such, her testimony compels one to read between the lines. While enduring much, and often referring to “my affliction”—which may in fact just be common sickness—she never speaks outright of suffering physical abuse.

Reverend Solomon Williams (1700–1776) was educated at Harvard and Yale, served as a Congregationalist pastor in Lebanon, Connecticut from 1722 until his death in 1776. He became a noted theologian and corresponded with some of the most distinguished figures of his era. “[Williams] was one of the rare truly moderate New Lights during the Great Awakening: he managed to maintain the respect of both Charles Chauncy, the rabid anti-revivalist, and George Whitefield, the famous evangelical.” Williams also established a library in Lebanon and a grammar school, which became a feeder-school for Yale, and he would also serve as president of Wheelock’s Connecticut Board of the Society in Scotland for Propagating Christian Knowledge. During the 1750s and 1760s, he supported Eleazar Wheelock and Moor’s Indian Charity School and mentored Samson Occom (1723–1792).

SOME REPRESENTATIVE PASSAGES:

“I will freely say yt [that] I do belive yt [that] he hath not forsaken all others for I think yt [that] I have good reason to think yt [that] he hath had carnal knowledge of Sarah Elles—a maid yt [that] sum short time since lived with us.”

“it fell out so yt [that] either shee or I must go out with him at evening to take care of sum hay, and I was willing to go, yet it happened so as she went, and they tarryed so long as made me think strong yt [that] they should be until so latte in ye dark about it.”

“this fall of ye year he hath taken his maid [Sarah Ellis] by force and pulled out her breast and called one of his children to suck her bre[a]st, and then cam laughing out and told of it himself, at a nother time I see him take yt [that] same maid and pulled out her bre[a]st so as yt [that] I see her nippell my self and called ye child to suck again which I prevented, I have seen him scuffell with yt [that] same gurl and put his hand under her coats…”

“if he found anything on the book yt [that] he had forgot in a long forbearance he would say I got it without his knowledge and if it was but a gallon of molassas or a few prunes(?) I did get so for the families use it cost much of his anger, and often he would threaten to yoke me for it.”

“As our family hath increased I have been utterly unable to give him content in my labour and good housewifery he often finding fault with me and yt [that] in much anger yt [that] I did not mind and would say a wife woman would provide in ye summer for winter […] as well of by doing things yt [that] did not belong to woman to do. I have been made a mere slave in his family which hath not been considered by him, for he would tell me before his children and parents of his house yt [that] I was good enough a bed and he wondered I could not be so when I was up—and yt [that] with a great deal of anger when I thought I did everything yt [that] I could.”

“I have never had sickness and lying in but that the cost and charge of nurses, carrying and fetching of women and other costs and necessary provisions hath cost me a great deal of trouble by his being angry […] so much have I bein afflicted in this forme which to avoid I have made provision for lying in without his knowledge, neither the women yt [that] have been with me at such times he would be ever out of temper when I wanted his support most.”

“neither hath he for years past been contented with me in bed & that not withstanding what he said before his children and family as aforesaid, which he plainly showed me by often insisting upon it neith me yt [that] it was lawful for a man to have more wives than one yt [that] ther was no law of god against it.”

“many times have I been afraid of his negro man he hath c[h]arged him self so under nearby(?) and I have told him yt [that] I was afraid, he would call me fool and go away and leave me and the children so distant as we are from naiborers alone with him.”

“and so little did he regard me under my affliction last spring as yt [that] when I with of much merduration as I could (when our son lay sick which died) said Tillden do get sum wood and make a better fire this child suffers for want of fier, ha said he you want to command the whole house don’t you, said I we (?) wont dispute that now: ah: said he you must loose more children before youer spirits are brought down.”

“he and I hath indeed had much difrance about our children especially as to their education […] I never heard him correct them for telling a lie not tell them the danger thereof, but if they stayed two long of an arrand, or work anoffe was not done, for their excuses he would call them lying roges and littiell whelps and fall upon them with a bridell rains or hallter […] and threaten them to beat out their brains and such like—and a multitude of such like [?] as aforesaid hath he had against me: more than I can persuade any man to spare time anoffe to write”

“and if so be yt [that] you find I have erred I cant butt think yt [that] before you advise me to return home it is best yt [that] you give me leave to show you these few things yt [that] have bein said and done by him since I came away […] [3ly] that he had swore by his [maker yt?] I did come home he would shut the door upon me altho. he thought I would die yt [that] minute”

A rare and unusually detailed manuscript account of the fraught marital life of a colonial Connecticut woman seeking counsel from her church.

REFERENCES: Mary Tilden at geni.com; Stephen Tilden at geni.com; Williams, Solom at dartmouth.edu

CONDITION: Separations at all folds repaired with Japanese tissue, some losses to text at folds and top edges of last two leaves but minimal loss of overall sense.

Item #5176

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